Sleep Wars With Screams and Roars

A common sight at our house

A much less common sight (and of course I woke him with the camera!)

Peter has never been a great sleeper but a couple of months ago he declared war on sleep (or on me and Ryan?). His sleep schedule has become as complicated and frustrating as the IRS tax code. Most nights he refuses to go to sleep before 11:30 and then he wakes up multiple times during the night and it's incredibly difficult to get him to go back to sleep (Peter is very good at imitating a roaring lion). I'm tired.

For whatever reason this tiredness seems worse than the tiredness experienced when Peter was a newborn. I think there must be some chemical the brain produces after delivering a baby that enables a woman's body to handle the lack of sleep and physical exhaustion that accompanies a newborn. I just want to know why there isn't a chemical to handle the toddler inducing exhaustion. True I am getting more sleep than when Peter was tiny but I'm also doing a whole lot more. For one thing, a newborn stays in one position while a toddler manages to hit 12,000 positions in less than 5 seconds (why walk when you can run and throw things simultaneously?). Also it's okay to be a bit lazy with a new baby: laundry can pile up (and it does with a spitting up and pooping machine in the house), dirty dishes can take over the kitchen, and meals can consist solely of frozen food. But that phase isn't allowed to last too long (hopefully). However, life and all its chores marches on with a 2-year-old. And another big difference is the public attitude towards fatigue. It's acceptable and even expected for a new mom to be tired. The checker at the grocery store doesn't give you a funny look when you give her your address when she asks for your phone number as long as you have that cute, sleeping baby in the carrier with you. Now, my kid not sleeping is my fault and supposedly no big deal.

But when I'm really honest with myself I realize why I'm more tired now. I've come to the awful realization that this is my life for at least a couple more decades. When I felt like the exhaustion would completely destroy me when Peter was an infant, I was comforted and strengthened by the idea that the tiredness was just a phase and that I would soon be sleeping 8 hours straight every night for the rest of my life. Now I know that I will never sleep an entire night through until I'm old and then I'll probably be up every hour with an overactive bladder and arthritis pains. I'm tired just thinking about it.